Ok I'm new to this so here goes:
People see me as cold and distant but I'm not as cold and distant as they think, the truth is I act cold and uncaring because I'm scared to care, I have major trust issues and feel that if I show that I care then people will use it against me, I know it sounds stupid but I've bin hurt alot before and its a self defence mechanism. I suppose I find it easier to talk to people like this because they don't know me, I have a best friend who's awesome he's bin here for me over the past 3 years but he doesn't really know me that well cos I've completely changed recently so the girl he thought he knew had disappeared, I guess I've always bin a very closed person I've never really had anyone to talk to that hasn't let me down, I mean I have four younger sisters but none of them are over 8 yrs old so I can't really talk to them. I'm currently seeing a physcotherapist because of depression (2 overdoses, 2 attempted hangings and I tried to slit my wrist twice). I know that everyone says I'm lucky to be alive but I disagree I just feel that I'm so useless that I can't even die properly. I really hate my mum cos she won't except me for who I am, she keeps trying change me into something I'm not, she wants me to be a typical girl and find a boyfriend and grow up and be a housewife like her, which in my opinion is totally the wrong direction for my life. I don't have any future plans as I can't see past the next few weeks let alone the next few years, I live for the moment, thats the one thing suicide has taught me to live for each day and never regret anything. I know at some point I'll have to think about getting a job and all that shit yawn yawn:zz: but for now I'm trying to get a grip of my life and come to terms with who I am. Which brings me back to why I'm writing this I need someone to talk to and somewhere to write me thoughts and feelings, so why not do both at the same time, I'd really appreiciate your comments, but please be nice cos I don't think I can take anymore critisism lol.